Thursday, November 3, 2011

Chapped Lips and Melancholy

    Do you ever feel like you're all alone? I've been struggling with that lately. I have friends here, but the truth is, I don't really have a "best friend" at school. And now that I have a double single, it is all too easy to just lock myself in my room and watch TV or read a book. It's not that I don't want to be social, because I'm a very social person. Sitting alone in my room makes me sad. The problem is, whenever I text someone to see if they want to hang out, they're usually busy doing something else: be it work, homework, hanging out with other friends, etc. Then there's the ever nagging feeling of "I want to hang out with _____, but I don't want to seem annoying or invite myself somewhere I'm not wanted." Being at a small college doesn't help, where if you're not a part of the group, you never will be.
    Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but a lot changed over the summer. Many of my friends aren't here anymore and I'll admit that I'm not doing the best job of adjusting. I've honestly thought more than once about transferring to P-Land or the U of I at the semester break just so I could go back where I have people. 
     I guess I just need to pray a lot about what God wants for me, because I don't feel like I'm done at Blackburn, but I know that I'm not supposed to feel all alone.

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