Monday, July 18, 2011

One of Those Days

    Have you ever found yourself just totally exhausted with your life? That's kind of where I'm at right now. I've been praying constantly for strength, wisdom, and patience as I move forward. As anyone who has ever moved back home after going to school knows, this summer has been difficult. Not because I don't love my family, but because the adjustments have been hard to make. After 9 months of almost total independence and freedom to make my own choices, it is difficult to come back home where my parents still view me and their kid, the same person they lived with while I was in high school.
    One of the hardest parts of coming back home is just that, I'm not the same person I was in high school, and while many of my friends and family members have grown and changed right along with me, many have not. Figuring how and where they fit into the life I am growing into is incredibly challenging. Especially as I face a very busy Sophomore year and the prospect of living on my own or with friends outside my home next summer. College is a time where my whole life s changing very fast all the time, whether I can keep up or not.
    I've also been struggling a lot with feeling frustrated and hopeless. I was wrongly fired from my job mid-summer, so I have no money and no car, thus no way of getting around on my own. I have, as previously mentioned, struggled with independence versus being controlled and lead by parents. I have missed my friends and haven't seen them nearly as much as I would like. My biggest struggle is feeling totally powerless to control my own life. 
    I'm a free spirit at best. I'm spontaneous and weird and I like being able to just go out at 3am with my friends just because we want to. I like absurd ideas and laughing a lot. I love the fact that I'm usually a really calm person, even in the face of heavy course loads and money problems. What I don't like is the person all this stress and frustration turns me into. I don't like fighting with my family and feeling angry and bitter. I don't like the moody, frustrated, cranky person I am right now.

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