Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Falling Apart at the Seams

    Do you ever feel like stress is coming at you from every possible direction, none of it is going away or being fixed, and all you can possibly do is curl up in a ball and hope nothing hits you hard enough to break anything? Me too. Between the stress of preparing for another school year, family issues, emotional woes, and far too many personal frustrations, I feel like I'm falling apart. 
    What makes it even worse is when someone has caused you pain, whether intentional or not, and it feels like they don't even care, like your emotions don't matter. So you just find yourself spitting out "I'm happy for you" after mindless "I'm happy for you" until you don't even remember what your real smile looks like.
    Every now and then I think about what would happen if I just didn't go back to school. What if I were to just quit, get a job, get an apartment, and just never go back? Would it even matter? Would I be missed or would everyone just go on and smooth over the small space that I occupied in their lives?
     I pray every day for grace and serenity and calm, but more and more it seems like all I get is additional crap thrown at me until I just crawl in a hole and hide. At this point I'm just holding on with all I have left (which isn't much) and praying that things calm down once I get back to school. Here's hoping...

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