Six Things Your Waitress Won't Say to Your Face.

    Trust me, as a waitress, I have a hundred plus situations during every shift where I'm biting my tongue while cleaning up the fourth soda your 6 year old has spilled, wishing, oh how I'm wishing, that I wasn't getting paid to deal with this. So, in the spirit of improving customer-wait staff relationships everywhere, I offer up these tips, because a happy waitress equals a better dining experience for everyone.

1. Please, for the love of God, control your "little angel face." Nothing will tick me off faster than having your children using my place of employment as a jungle gym. In short: If we don't have a playplace, your kids should stay at the table or at least within arms reach of you.
2. Tell it to the tip jar. We, as waitresses, are some of the most over-worked people on the planet, and we usually only make minimum wage. So how about, while you are raving to my superiors about the great service, you leave a few bucks on the table or in the tip jar.
3. If you are new to the restaurant and aren't sure what you want, ask me for a recommendation. I work here, so chances are that I've had some of what we offer, or know people who have, and I can offer dishes that even the pickiest eaters will enjoy. However, if you don't ask my advice and you don't like what you end up with, please don't complain. 
4. Of course I am listening to you argue with your spouse about what to order, you are standing two feet away from me. Frankly, waitresses listen to pretty much everything within earshot. It's how we provide good service: we listen for customer's needs and respond accordingly. I once ran a block and a half to return a guest's forgotten birthday card because I recalled him thanking a friend for the cash it contained.
5. If you are in a hurry, please tell me! If we aren't absolutely swamped, it's probable that I can bump your order ahead a few minutes in order to send you on your way faster! This is always better than snarky comments when your food isn't getting to you "fast enough" and I had no clue that Johnny and Lizzie have orthodontist appointments in twenty minutes.
6. Referring back to my introduction: If your toddler has not yet mastered the fine art of the straw and/or lidless cup, either ask if we have spill-proof cups or bring your own. While I do get paid to clean up your mess, it leaves me happier and you less embarrassed when your child's drink stays safely in their cup.